The Setting: a typical Man City press conference.
Journalists pepper Guardolia with loaded questions.
Pep responds by breathing heavily into the microphones as if he were Luke and Leia’s father.
As he listens to the question he squints his eyes while simultaneously pulling his face apart as if he were the physical manifestation of the Scream painting.
So how are the British press going to prove that Pep is truly a fraud? #fraudiola
Maybe we should tie rocks round his ankles and drop him in a Moss Side brook.
If he floats he is the genius we all thought he was.
If he sinks then maybe he’s been telling the truth all along.
“I am sorry. I am learning.” (Pep Guardiola, every press conference 2016/17)
Pep has been accused of cracking, but if you actually listen to his press conferences he seems to be responding rationally to a ridiculous situation.
Journalists holding pitchforks posing questions that are really loaded answers.
Pep hardly ever gives the kind of response journalists have become accustomed to.
Instead he politely and passive aggressively points out the absurdity of their remarks and is accused of losing the plot.
It’s a witch-hunt.
Pep’s responses actually reveal the extent to which managers and players have pandered to the power of the press in this country for too long.
The likes of Eddie Howe and Sean Dyche tend to answer pointless questions as if they merit a response.
Of course there are exceptions.
Mourinho will deflect in a Feurgosonesque fashion. Throwing curve balls to distract the press from their intended narrative.
And all the managers are susceptible to snapping every now and then.
The difference with Pep is that he has refused to play along from the offset.
In a world of dishonesty and deceit it’s actually unsettling to hear someone speak directly and honestly. It arouses suspicion.
And that’s what Guardiola is. Suspicious.
His tactics. His answers. The fact he has values and sticks to them. It’s not to be trusted.
Throw him in the river.